I broke up with him the same week our baby had his first birthday. People say they’re sorry, I thank them, and later think why it felt strange. It only deserves congratulations.
I agree that it’s sad for a child to grow in a broken family for that some of the potential joys may not happen for him, but those joys wouldn’t happen anyway to people who are unhappy together.
A friend recently told me that if we were to talk almost every day, opposed to the once in a month or three, we wouldn’t be friends. He would suffer under the weight of my intensity and I would be bored AF. I am hypersensitive, but it doesn’t overwhelm me. I can process all of those soundbites, every fabric chafing my skin, I notice visual details others miss. And if needed, I’m able to inhibit these from my main thought. It means I feel a lot. I experience so much – and I want to share all of it. I need to channel my experiences through me and express how these things have moved me, how they affected me. What can I conclude from having experienced it.
It doesn’t help that I remember some things too well. So after a long time of seeing someone, I must relive those experiences I’ve had in between and express that to that someone.
But all of it is hidden in a chest that I don’t have the key for. Other people have it. I won’t share that stuff unsolicited. I must be asked questions to open up what’s in me.
So you can imagine that for some people this intensity can be exhausting. To me, it is exhausting to keep it in.
I dream of a partner who wants to dig in and discover, truly understand how I experience things and not be frightened what is there to be found (especially the strength of the feelings and impressions cause mostly stuff’s really like oh that detail of that detail made me feel like flowers blooming after rain – sometimes it can be poetic, sometimes analytical AF). You can imagine it is hard to find someone like that. So when we look at stuff such as I’ve always wanted kids and If I’d had a higher self esteem and known clearly, oh so much clearer what I want and need… I might never find him and never have a child.
Now I have a child who is the most adorable creature on Earth. And I get to experience raising him. I get to learn who this new human will become, and be there for him.
I get to do it while potentially finding the partner I want. And while not being sad and miserable in a relationship that doesn’t work for me.
It only deserves congratulations, good luck, and occasional matchmaking from friends.
Mental Party 
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